The Yo-Heave-Ho

As we sped out of Rialto village, what was left of my life filling the trunk and back seats, and drove toward the motorway, I couldn't help but smile. I felt like the entire tribulations of the last year were falling away behind me, particles of dust in the wind; the break-up of my three year relationship, the struggle of breaking away from it, of gaining independence and living under such strenuous circumstances, constantly scrimping for cash every single day was all just a billowing plume of fine, grey dust falling away beyond and above me. I sighed- more out of relief, rather than nostalgia. It was finally over. A chapter was closed and shut and could never be reopened.

Ahead of me is nothing but opportunity. Next year I will at last return to college and complete my education, a degree in English Lit. and (probably) Anthropology. So this year I aim to save as much money as possible, and start that by looking for a better paying job- although with the current economy I know I'm lucky I have the luxury of looking for a job whilst still employed, so I can't complain.

When we'd initially come to the house I was leaving for good at lunchtime today, the new girl, Maura, opened the door.

"Hey, you got here. You're welcome, come in," she smiled. I gave a momentary smile that died on my lips almost the moment it appeared. She was welcoming me into the house I've lived in already for six months?
"Thanks," I said dryly. "I'll be quick, you won't even know I'm here." I said it trying to make up for my lack of enthusiasm at her welcoming me on what had been my own doorstep.
"Oh," she smiled. "Good." I'm sorry, excuse me? She thus disappeared into the kitchen. Mal and I started disconnecting the DVD player, Playstation, TV and surround sound system and packing them into the car. Last to be packed were Sofia's paintings, which were quite large (and expensive) and so we were careful to pack them in last.

"Okay, I just have to go take care of the- the money thing-" I told Mal, as I gestured back at toward the house. He laughed.
"Yeah, you do that, and I think I'll smoke for the both of us." I headed inside and found Maura in her large bedroom in the downstairs hall (formerly my large bedroom) and told her I was leaving and asked for the deposit.

"Okay there you go," she smiled handing it over and moving toward the kitchen door in a sort of semi-gracious won't-you-follow-me kind of way, as though after six months I didn't know where the front door was.
"Great," I said. I took fifty euro from it, added five euro from my pocket and laid it on the kitchen table. "Thirty five is for the gas bill that came while I was still here, and please tell Jana the other twenty is what I owe her."
"Sure," she smiled. "I'll just leave it in her room." I was aghast. Either this girl is so cocky (and patronising) she'd walk into someone else's room (when she could just leave it in the kitchen with a note like the rest of us did) or she's so chummy with them already that they've probably been bitching about me.

"Great," I echoed, adding, "I'm glad you settled in alright. I hope you enjoy living here... I'm glad I convinced them to take a chance on you. You'll fit in perfectly." I said it sincerely and with as patronising a smile as she'd given me. Her smile didn't faulter but the gleam in her eye was gone suddenly.

When Dani had lived there we all bitched about him. The girls constantly complained to me and each other about him. Heck I admit I bitched about him, but the difference is I never actually pretended to like him to his face like they did. They'd sit around and have wine and dinner and laugh with him, talk with him for hours and then bitch once he left. I knew now that it was clear they were doing the same thing with me. That patronising smile and attitude of her's said one thing and one thing only: 'I've heard all about you.'

As we drove further and further into the suburbs Mal insisted that at least now I could rid myself of all that unnecessary baggage and concentrate on what was important, moving on. I hadn't been able to think of just myself in so long. There was too much else going on- rent, bills, expenses that amounted to hundreds each month, medical care, everything was increasingly bringing me down and making me depressed. Once I was released from it all, and knew I would be released from it all, my mood returned to 'normal' and what did I have to show for it? €400, €300 of which would go on repairs to my macbook pro's screen because it decided to die, and my freedom.

I am, literally, starting from scratch with hardly a cent to my name. My overdraft is paid off, my loan from the bank is pretty much almost repaid and my other expenses are minimal. I've literally got a clean slate. It is such a liberating feeling that to describe it would be a cliché, suffice to say it's wonderful.

So, this, is Day One.