The Uncertain Road Ahead

I refer back to my statement of "What is wrong with the men in this town?" from an earlier post. Seems that Army Guy I was seeing is indeed a player. Marie said our mutual best friend Tadgh swore her to secrecy, afraid that I'd get the wrong idea if she told me G had been chatting to Tadgh and coming on to him all night in a bar about a week ago. Naturally Tadgh was not at all interested since he wasn't sure what had gone on between me and this guy and basically told him to leave him alone, he wasn't interested but G, not taking no for an answer, continued whispering sweet nothings in his ear all night.

Honestly. Tadgh is well known and anyone who knows Tadgh knows his closest friends. It seems impossible to Marie that G could not have known Tadgh and I are all close friends. I'm guessing that was G's plan all along, to make me jealous? Sadly, I only get jealous about guys I actually like, thus I'm not jealous and actually don't really care what he does, but isn't going after my best friend just the most pathetic low? As my friend Ciarán put it, "All the lemons I've wasted my time on, if I was a slot machine I'd have hit the lemon jackpot a long time ago."

Living with the parents again is rather odd, it's like being a teenager, but without the restrictions. I do give them money for living here, obviously I mean that's just fair but I am missing not being so close to the city that I can just take a tram into Dublin city centre whenever I want etc.

One thing that needs to change, and due to the global "R"-word this will be difficult, but I need a new (proper) job. My pay is shit, my work is shit- I'm perpetually in a state of apathy and disinterest- and to be totally honest I can't concentrate when I get home enough to write anything. The writing isn't entirely the issue as I'm tying to allow ideas and concepts to build up and germinate in my mind at the moment but this is ridiculous. My best friend Sofia and I are fed up. Entirely. Enough is quite honestly enough to be very blunt.

I've disagreed with bosses I've had over their treatment and behaviour of staff and walked out. I've disagreed with bosses and tried to work with them, tried to come to some sort of working relationship only to be labelled 'rebellious' and been, after much legal scrounging on their part, fired in a way which they ensured I can't sue them. I've even worked for complete tryants, for idiots who didn't know any better and for wonderful, truly amazing people I consider myself lucky to have had the opportunity to call my bosses. I have never, ever had to shelve my pride in the way I'll have to this weekend. Maybe I'll write about it, but maybe I won't, all I'll say is that for the money I'm being paid and the hours I'm getting it's really not worth it at all. Sofia feels the exact same. I probably wouldn't mind prostituting my pride and self-respect for a job I believed in or loved, but this time I can't, don't and won't. The fact that I have a good manager is great, but why not let us draw straws and have one person do it. Why does everyone have to do it, and if one person has made the choice to turn this task down, why aren't they entitled to do this? Without recrimination?

We shall see what happens but either way both Sofia and I are throwing in the towel at the earliest opportunity. For Sofia, that day might be today...